Exports

So which of the products with the “Made On Earth” stamp do you think will make it when Universalisation takes a grip?

Well, assuming we get discovered before we discover somebody else it would mean that it is highly likely that everyone else up there has something slightly more advanced than an iPad. So once the news hits that aliens are hovering over New York I would sell any shares you have in Apple or Samsung… I would also guess that they have better kitchen appliances than we do so while you’re at it ditch Moulinex, Bosch, Philips. You might currently think that Dyson is the ultimate idea in the world of vacuum cleaners but imagine a vacuum with a mini power station inside where your bread crumbs and dog hairs get combusted to provide the vacuum with it’s own energy source – kind of beats the mind blowing idea of not having a vacuum bag – not only can you forget the vacuum bag but you would never have to open the vacuum cleaner again.  Sorry Mr. Dyson – although I do love your stuff it just isn’t going to cut it.

As soon as you get your glimpse of these aliens you can work out if it makes sense to hang onto your Ikea shares or not. The huge aliens as in “Arrivals” or nasty aliens as in “Alien” will probably not be sooooo interested in Billy shelves but I could imagine some of those we saw in the bars of Star Wars might be.
As they have just flown light years to get here I am assuming they would not be so interested in Boeing or Airbus technology. Unless they like the retro feel of flying slower than light speed. So maybe Boeing should be investing in a convertible version of the 707 where the pilot can push back the roof and fly with the wind blowing through his hair / tentacles. I doubt though that cars would appeal at all to them unless first of all they get hooked on the concept of the “road movie” and then possibly there would be some knock-on sales possible.
Do not be totally dismayed if you are in the manufacturing industry though as I am sure that there will be some little gadgets that the rest of the Universe has not yet thought about like the leatherman or possibly tin openers (I assume through some freak of evolution that there are planets where they have invented the tin but not yet the tin opener and so there are whole civilisations waiting to taste baked beans).

Probably, as these aliens will be essentially tourists also fridge magnets will do well – but of course with “Earth” written on them.

However, do you think aliens will like Coca Cola or will they prefer Pepsi?
Or will they simply go straight for Scotch? And will we be able to sell hangover pills at huge markups?

Will they prefer football to baseball or maybe really dig cricket – so will we be able sell them the broadcasting rights to one of these major leagues or possibly integrate them into Fifa? I guess this might depend on if they have hands or feet. Will also be interesting to see if they get into hooliganism.

Will they like our art or our music? As we saw in the Fifth Element their music might not be totally different to what we listen to. And I am sure there is a planet out there who would be interested in buying our planet’s supply in Country & Western / Austrian folk music  – hopefully also setting up contracts so that such musicians leave our planet to go on never ending tours of the outer reaches of some distant galaxy.

Also, I suspect that cosmetic products will become a major seller but probably they will be used in a manner totally different to the intended one. I could imagine for example that KY Jelly might make teleportation slightly less painful.

But ultimately I believe the biggest export will be HP sauce – simply because nobody else will have anything like this: what are the chances of getting a planet with precisely the right climate to grow all of the ingredients (there are a LOT), then to give birth to somebody who has the idea to combine these ingredients and then the various elements of luck such as the nation who invented it did NOT lose the 2nd world war (and so potentially the recipe).

So get used to the idea of explaining to three headed strangers at some bar at the end of the universe that “I come from earth. Err…. that planet where HP sauce is made” … and await the “oh wow!!!! I just LOVE HP sauce!”.